Coffee Talk

Remember Coffee Talk on SNL?  I loved Mike Meyers on Coffee Talk.  His accent nailed the Staten Island, Italian/Jewish mom.  Now, add a 10 pack a day smoker into that voice and use it while you read this. As soon as I heard the voice on the phone, I started a fit of giggles.

Phone Rings

Me: "How can I help you?

Customer: "I was just in thare.  I don't think I got my discount.  I bought some Prosecco."

Me: "Do you have the receipt in front of  you?"

Customer: "Yes."

Me: "On the bottom of the receipt, there is a cashier's name listed.  Can you tell me that name?"

Customer: "I don's see a name.  It must have been cut awff."

Me: "I'd like to look at the receipt with you so that I can help you better.  Can you tell me the total cost of your sale."

Customer: "Listen, I didn't get a discount. I don't know the name of the cashier."

Me: "What is the item in the question?"
Customer: "I told you."

Me: "You said Prosecco.  What brand is it?"

Customer: "I don't know.  It's in the car.  It has an orange label."

Me: I rattle off some brands. "It's listed on the receipt, ma'am."

Customer: "Listen, I was at the 4th register with a short girl."

Customer finally gives me the total and I ask her to hold on while I go print out a copy of the receipt.

Me: "Hello, ma'am?  I have a copy of your receipt here.  You did receive the discount on your 2 bottles.  You saved $2 on each bottle."

Customer: "Well, where does it say that?"

Me: "On your receipt, it has the discount on top...." 

Customer cuts me off: "WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT ON THE SHELF?"

Me: The white tag has $13.99 and the color tag has $11.99

Customer: "But your competitor has $11.99 as their every day price."

Me: "And that's the price you got with us today."

Customer ran out of things to say other than "good-bye."  And I did hear a slight mom-annoyed-laugh.

It's much funnier if you do the voice.  Now talk amongst yourselves.  I'm so veclempt.

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