More Tales from the Wine Store

I hear a lot of things people say.  I wish I didn't.

• I heard a mother address her two children: "C'mon Spawn and Spawn 2."
• I heard a Staten Island woman call Zinfandel Zinfandale repeatedly.
• A woman asked me for a blue bottle of Riesling called Sleeper.  "Do you mean, Relax?"  That was it.
• Someone asked me for "Sprinkling water wine."  What the hell is that?
• A customer asked me if I carried the "Skuff-along" grape.  She made that up, right?
• A husband loudly embarrassed his wife on purpose "You're going to buy all that?  You just got out of rehab!"  He was joking, but if I was her, I would have slapped him.
• A woman on the phone asked me if I had something in stock.  She read about it in that "Spectacular magazine."  For you non-wine people, the magazine is called Wine Spectator.
• I asked a woman if she needed assistance and she replied, "Someone decided to make a re-appearance and I'm texting them to shove it."  She's got issues.
• And there is always that one person who asks for Chocolate wine, but they don't really want Chocolate wine, they want wine that has notes of chocolate, but they really think that there is chocolate added to it.  He wanted to know where that section was. 

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More Dining Out & My Obsession

I've said before that it's tough for me to dine out.  It's even tougher going to a BYO restaurant.  I have a secret obsession.  I have a sickness where I need to see the wine that everyone brought in.  

It starts as soon as I walk in.  I scan the room.  I spy Santa Margherita.  I spy Yellow Tail.  I spy Cavit.   The sickness in spying these items is that my nose goes in the air so that I can say, my wines are better than yours.  People see my wines and know, I know something about wine.

Then we sit down and I look around more.  When the diners leave and leave behind their bottles, I have to get up and go look at them.  I have to pull them out of ice buckets to see what they brought.  I don't know why I do this!

We dined out the other night with friends and we brought a nice variety of Greek, Italian and French selections.  But, when I looked around, I saw good wines on other tables.  I even saw bottles I wasn't familiar with.  Some people even had craft beer!  This place had class!  Could it be because this place had a wine shop attached to it?  Did they not carry those crappy selections I always play I spy with?

I'll never know.

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What's Your Reason?

People go to the wine shop for many reasons.  Some need to simply stock up or get their daily fix, but there are events that drive people to the store.  

I've helped brides and grooms plan their weddings.  I've helped parents cater their kids baptisms, communions, confirmations and birthdays.  I've assisted people selecting a wine for a dinner party or even the BYOB they were heading to for dinner after they left me.  I've helped bridesmaids plan showers and bachelor parties and I've helped people plan their big birthdays.  I've assisted wine groups plan their monthly tastings and wine lovers plan their own wine tastings for their friends at home.

The sad ones are people coming to me to plan their loved ones passing away.  The other day, I was helping a woman and I guess she felt compelled to tell me that her mother just died and she needed something to help her sleep that night.  She also wanted to get her Dad a favorite selection. 

I never know why people are coming in.  I can only hope that when they leave I've brought them some comfort, made them bit happier and helped their events go smoother.

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Going to the Wine Bar

It's very hard for the Retail Wine Goddess to go out to eat at restaurants that have a wine list for one simple reason.  I actually know how much the bottles cost.  I ventured out the other night to a new chain restaurant that opened up that bills itself as a wine bar.  I had an overall bad experience as the service was slow and the food was not that great and also inconsistent, but the wine part killed me.

I originally decided that it would be cheaper to get one bottle of wine, but after looking at the prices, I went though the roof.  I know that a bottle of Gascon Malbec sells in the retail store for around $11.99.  This restaurant was charging 4X the price!  That's a big jump.  So, I opted for a couple different glasses so that I would at least feel that I was paying for the experience of trying a few new wines.

When the server came over, she said, "the wine list is extensive so if you need any help with your selection, I have a cheat sheet."

She said what?

Could you imagine if you came into my wine store and started asking me about wine and I put my hand up and said, "hold on, I have a cheat sheet."

Talk about not knowing your business.  By the way, the wine list is one page long.  It is not a book or extensive at all.  There are 94 wines on this one page of which about half are available by the glass.  I consider myself a librarian in the wine store.  It is my responsibility to know about thousands of wines I sell.  And in this situation, I would make damn sure I knew my wines to help people pair their dishes, give them a better experience and make more tips!

With my appetizer I ordered a glass of the ZD Chardonnay.  The server said, "what?"  I repeated that I wanted a glass of the ZD Chardonnay.  The server said, "what?"  I showed her the menu and pointed.  There are only 11 Chardonnay's on the menu.  I think a server should have at least tried to learn the names.

It took her a half an hour to get our first glass of wine.  We though that the bar was backed up, but no, the bartender gives the server the actual bottles to pour table-side.  And since they are already opened (usually) you don't have to wait for the server to open them.

Later on, the server had the audacity to tell me that the Master Sommelier (there are only 214 in the world according to the Court of Master Sommeliers) himself (he selected all the wines) actually visited the restaurant and trained them himself.  She then proceeded to say how she didn't like wine, but she liked beer.  

How did I luck out with this awesome server?  Could you imagine trying to buy wine from me at the wine store and me telling you how much I hate wine, but here, try this bottle!

There is only 1 Petite Sirah on the menu.  Just 1.  It's listed in it's own section.  My husband ordered the Petite Sirah.  The server had no clue what he was saying. 

So, chalk this up to bad training, along with poor service and mediocre food.  This wine bar had no flights, no cheese courses and no knowledge of the wines.  

Yes, it's tough for a wine snob to visit one of these places, it's even tougher when you're in the business.

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So You Live Out-Of-State, So What?

I have had this questions asked upon me several times now.  If I have a customer who lives out of state and I ship to him, he does not pay the 7% NJ sales tax.  But, I have customers who come into the NJ store, want to buy today in the NJ store and ask this inane question:

"If I live out of state, do I still have to pay sales tax?"

Of course you do!  The state of NJ only cares that you are buying products in the state of NJ.  They want their cut!  If you order now, go home and I ship it to you, you don't pay for it, so why would anyone in their right mind think that if they don't live here they don't have to pay sales tax when they buy here?

This is why New Jerseyans go to Pennsylvania to buy cars.  The sales tax is cheaper in their state.  This is why New Yorkers come to New Jersey to buy liquor.  The sales tax is cheaper in our state.  Everything is cheaper in NJ than in NY like gas, food, restaurants...

Could you imagine every person with an out-of-state license demanding that they don't pay sales tax in your store?  Ridiculous!

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The Thank You

It's always rewarding to get thanked.  The other day, someone went out of their way to really thank me.  One of my older  regulars came in to buy some wine for her daughter's birthday dinner. They were going to a BYOB and her daughter loved Merlot and Brunello.  I gave her one of my favorite, lesser expensive Brunello's and a really kick-ass Merlot.  She even bought the same Merlot for herself to enjoy later.  She left happy and on a random day and time a few days later, she called the store and asked for me.

She told me that she just wanted to thank me.  The wines were a huge hit for the dinner and her daughter was over the moon with both wines.  She just wanted me to know how appreciative she was for my help and my selections.

Now, usually when people call me they either want to talk about high-end wine or want to complain.  This was very rewarding to me.  Not only was she happy, but her daughter was happy.  And, all I did was pick out some wine.  So, to the hard-making winemakers and teams of Ferrari-Carano and La Rasina, my customer, thanks you more. 

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He Said WHAT?

It's our custom to greet every customer in the store.  We don't get commission, we just want our store to feel like a store-run family with big-box appeal.  An older customer walked into the store and was greeted by my colleague.

Colleague: "Hey, sir.  How are you today?"

Customer: "I'm alive."

Colleague: "Hey, that's awesome.

Customer: "You bet your ass it is!"

Yeah, that made my day.

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She said WHAT?

A nice pair of older women came in to shop.  I assisted one of them in finding some liquor and then I thought she was going to check out.  She circled back around and wanted to get a few more items.

She said, "I had a drink last week.  It's called bend over and F me."

Now, I'm not one to flinch over words especially when in the liquor industry you have to sell things like Bitch, Raging Bitch, Fat Bastard, Kinky, etc.., but this was like having a sex conversation with my mom.  Kind of icky and should be avoided at all or any costs.

So, I just listened to her tell me what she wanted, retrieved all her items and told her I hope it gave her the same feeling it did the first time.  She indicated that the name did indeed make her feel like that.  Ew.

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Give Me One I Have Never Had Before

A real jerk walks in looking for absinthe.  We have a few in stock, but he wanted to order something else because "our selection sucks."  His words to my face.  

So, I asked him what he wanted.  

He said, "I want something I have never had before." 

Me, "And what brands would they be."

He said, "I don't know, what can you get?"

So, you see where this is going, right?  The retail wine goddess is wasting her time on absinthe instead of selling wine and oh yeah, I have to automatically know what items he has never had before, because I am the almighty mind reader.

Then I start to read out loud a large laundry list of what I can order for him.  He wants a printed version.  Told him I couldn't do that because there is confidential information listed that he cannot be privy to.  He asked me to print out everything and then use a black marker to cross out anything I didn't want him to see.

Um, no.  Go away and come back when you know what you want to order.   He suggested that maybe he would do some research and come back.  Uh, good idea Einstein.

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