Monday, September 30, 2013

Rude Dude

I found this on my Facebook page from 2 years ago.  Forgot I wrote it.  Funny how I encounter the same people every day.


I'm rude. I don't know how to give good customer service. Imagine you're talking to someone.. selling them on a bottle of wine. Now imagine another guy. He says, excuse me, excuse me, while you're talking to the first guy. You give him the "please wait" sign. Now you're the asshole because he interrupts me and I'm rude because I'm busy talking to another guy to answer him. And he makes a scene. I didn't realize that the words"EXCUSE ME", actually excuse you from being a douche bag. Hey - WHEN YOU INTERRUPT ME - YOU ARE RUDE!!!! Please make a note.

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Friday, September 27, 2013

What's the Best Wine Zinfandel?


Yes, I get asked this question.  I usually say "Close your eyes and pick one."  They are all the same junk.

Here is an article I wrote several years ago to get my last blogging gig:


In case you didn’t know, the Zinfandel grape is red.  That’s right, red.  Really red.  Not pink at all.  It is very bold, rich, and intense, with a spicy flavor and strong, jammy fruit texture and is a native grape to California.  White Zinfandel is made from the red Zinfandel grape.  It is not white as the name suggests, but the pink drink that many people are accustomed to.


However, and unfortunately so, what most Americans know as Zinfandel is White Zinfandel. According to Sutter Home, one out of every four bottles of wine opened in the United States is White Zinfandel.  White Zinfandel is actually a very recent development. It was invented in 1975 at the Sutter Home winery in San Francisco, California as a by- product of an experiment. In truth, it was a mistake.  The wine-maker was attempting to create a richer red Zinfandel, so he drew off some of the (white) juice before it had a chance to acquire the red color, in hopes that reducing the free run juice would concentrate the remainder. Not having anything to do with the extra juice, he made it as a rosé wine.  Rather than throwing out the wine that amounted to 8,000 cases of wine, the winemaker slapped on a new label, called it White Zinfandel and sold it as a novelty wine.  To their surprise, it became very popular very quickly, and within a couple of decades, White Zinfandel, made intentionally, became Sutter Home's primary production.

As a result, White Zinfandel now outpaces red Zinfandel production by orders of magnitude. In fact, it is the second highest selling varietal wine in the United States, after Chardonnay. It tends to be light and sweet, the closest thing in the wine world to soda or fruit punch, and is nothing like the rich and lively red Zinfandel. It’s fruity sweetness appeals to many Americans, especially women.

You can usually spot a White “Zin” drinker a mile away.  It is usually a woman who thinks she is very sophisticated, but she really has no clue.  I’ve seen this scenario a million times.  You’ve seen them before, too.  They saunter up to the bar and order a glass of White “Zin”.  (Wine connoisseurs may want to proceed with caution).  The bartender pulls out a jug-o-wine, fills the glass and to my horror adds ice! 

If you are reading this and have identified yourself as one of these “sophisticates”, try branching out and trying some quality wines that were made on purpose.  Ask for a Riesling or Sauvignon Blanc.  Ok, so I admit, I used to be one of the “sophisticates”.  I’ve come a long way and so can you.  Take the journey with me and expand your horizons.

Now, I'm fairly certain that Moscato is outpacing sales. At least in my store it is!

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Thursday, September 26, 2013

Wine Tasting 101 - The Sweet Tooth


I'm not sure what it is about our area, but customers LOVE sweet wine.  One out of every 5 customers I help, all want sweet wine.  Sweet red, sweet white, Moscato, you name it.  It's no surprise that according to www.americashealthrankings.org/NJ, NJ ranks 16th out of the 50 states for people with diabetes.  That's crazy!

Most consumers don't understand the difference between sweet and fruity.  Generally, sweet is defined by the sugar content.  The lower the alcohol %, the sweeter the wine.  Shiraz and Merlot are generally fruity at 12% alcohol and higher.  I usually explain that it's like biting into a ripe plum.  Sweet, on the other hand, is a lower alcohol %.  Either it has sugar added, grape must added, spirit added (like with Port) or the fermentation is stopped early, so that the grape's natural sugar is left behind. 

I have a huge demographic of men, who all ask for sweet red wine.  They really want Shiraz, red Zinfandel, and Merlot and other types of grapes with these characteristics.

When we have tastings, customers generally approach and ask what's sweet on the table.  If there is not a sweet wine on the table, the customer won't try anything.  Mainly, people want Riesling, Moscato and dessert wines.  For these customers, the sweeter, the better.  My teeth hurt just thinking about it!

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Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Wine 101 - Tasting Laws


In New Jersey, 4 ounces, per person, per day, for free, is the legal limit.  So, normally we offer 4 free samples and if there is a crowd at the table, you have to keep track of who tasted what and how many times.  Some sneaky folks will always try to ask for more.

"But, I need to make sure I really like it before I buy it."

I then need to explain the law and to let them know we're on camera, and if I break the law, I lose my job, get a fine and the store loses it's license.

They usually buy the bottle anyway, but there is always that one person who thinks it's OK to get more.

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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Wine Tasting 101 - The Tasting Wrangler


Every wine shop has tasting days for the public.  These are great times for the store to push new products and for the customers to try something new before they buy it.

First, the staff will invite the customer over to the tasting which is always close to the entrance.

"Would you like  to try some wine today?"

This is responded to in several different ways.

Customer 1 - Ignores the question, says nothing and keeps walking. (Yes, this happens frequently.)
Customer 2 - Thanks anyway, but I'm driving.  (A taste this small is getting anyone buzzed.)
Customer 3 - Flat out says "No." (Must be a beer drinker.)
Customer 4 - Yes, of course!!! (WINNER!)

It's hard to believe that anyone in their right mind would ever turn down free alcohol, but it happens all the time.

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Monday, September 23, 2013

Pet Peeve #8


Pet Peeve #10: The Rapid Fire Questioner

Have you met this person?  They don't just have just one question.  They don't just have two questions.  They have a lot of questions!  But, they don't care if any of the questions are answered. It's a rapid firing of one question after another and when I try to answer, I get interrupted by a second, third, fourth, fifth, etc...  This is when I put my hand up and say, let's start with your first question.

This happened to me again just the other day.

Customer "Do you have a wine from Tuscany?
Me: "Y"
Customer: "What about organic vodka?
Me: "Wh"
Customer: "Do you carry bitters?"
Me ""
Customer: "What's the recipe for a Manhattan?"
Customer: "Where are the mixers at?"
Customer: "Do you have Sangria?"
Customer: "What wine would you use for Sangria?"
Customer: "Do you have any $4 bottles of wine?"
Customer: "Can someone help me to my car?"

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Friday, September 20, 2013

Pet Peeve #6



Pet Peeve #6
I don't want to hear your life story.

"Can I help you?" is not an opening line for your to spill your guts out.

Customer:  "Why, yes.  I went out to dinner lat night for my friend's 50th birthday party at Chez Fancy Pants.  The Chef prepared scrumptuous little pastries for us, but they had to be gluten free because my other friend Betty has celiacs disease and my other friend Veronica is gluten free because it's fashionable.  Well, Chef paired everything perfectly against these beautiful china patterns and the lighting was just perfect.  Appetizers were so small and I couldn't believe how expensive it was and my husband Johnny was just laid off, and we didn't really have the money to pay the bill on our own, so I couldn't refuse a free dinner at Chez Fancy Pants.  Anyway, there was a wine there that was amazing.  It was from France, a Bordeaux I think with a white label and red lettering with a picture of the Pope on it.  Anyway, my husband Johnny said I should check here with you because you have everything.  Do you have it?  Because if you do, then I want to give it as a gift to my friend Doris because she would love it.  Her husband died last year and she hasn't gone out much lately, so she would enjoy this and I think she would love the pretty label.  She couldn't make the party last night because she was sick all night vomiting.  Maybe she has the flu, but she couldn't get to the Doctor today.  Anyway, I thought the wine would cheer her up and maybe get a bottle for me as well because Johnny has been so depressed that he hasn't been able to find a new job and he just sits and watches TV all day and I have to treat myself, too, right?"

I am making a mental impression of your face in my brain so that when I see you again in this store, I will hide.  Just tell me the name of the wine and move on!!!!!!!

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Thursday, September 19, 2013

Pet Peeve #7


Pet Peeve #7
What's My Wine?

This happens on a daily basis.  Sometimes I can actually guess what you are asking me for.  Most times, I just think you're crazy.  It never fails.  A customer had a wine.  Didn't take a picture.  Didn't write it down.  Didn't peel the label off.  But, now I have to play the game show "What's My Wine?" 

The most common one:
It has a stick on it.  I know this one!  Zaccagnini isn't nicknamed the stick wine for nothing!

What's....My...Wine?
It was red.  Sounded Italian.  It had a picture of an octopus on it.  Do you have it?

It was white from California.  It starts with the letter A.  Do you have it?  (This was a real question)

It has a picture of a goat on it.  I then proceed to show he/she every label in the store with a goat on it.  Nothing matches of course.  It has a picture of a goat on it.  (See Pet Peeve #4)

Sorry I can't help you today.

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Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Pet Peeve #5


Pet Peeve #5
Some people ask for your recommendation, but they really don't want it.

This one kills me and wastes my time.  The conversation usually goes like this:

Me: "Can I help you find something?"

Customer: "Which California Cabernet under $10 would you recommend?"

I always give the customer 2-3 choices.  Any more, and their heads might explode.

Me: "I just had this selection last night.  Drinks like a $30 bottle, but it's only $9.99.  Another great option is this selection over here that is rich and structured for only $8.99.  Both are great options"

Customer:  "What about this one?"  (as he/she points to another really crappy wine.)

Me: "Honestly, I  wouldn't recommend it.  The other 2 I showed you drink much better."

Customer: "Well, what about this wine?"  (Pointing to a 4th selection.)

Me: "It's ok." (I usually say that with a wince and it shows.) 

At this point in time, I know the customer doesn't want my recommendation.  We could do this dance all day.  He/She just wants validation that the wine he/she always gets has my stamp of approval.  And he/she doesn't buy what I suggested anyway.  Waste of my time!

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Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Pet Peeve #4


Pet Peeve #4
Repeating yourself doesn't make your wine magically appear.

People come in every day looking for wines that we don't carry.  They had it at a restaurant in NY, their friend from Virginia gave it to them, they had it on a trip to Italy... you get the idea.  It's physically impossible to carry every wine in the world in our store.  If I don't have something, I'll look to see if I can special order it.  Half the time I can't because it's with a really small distributor who needs me to buy 20 cases or more instead of the 1 bottle I need or it's just not available in the great state of New Jersey.

One time, this woman came in with a receipt from another store.  She looked at her receipt and proceeded to ask me if I had a wine as she read off from it.  I said I didn't carry it, couldn't order it after I looked it up and then I laughed and said it sounded like a beer.  The wine had the name Corona in it and I thought it was funny.  She looked down at her receipt and again read the name out loud, but this time sloooower.  I again, told her that I did not carry this wine and I could not get it for her.  She said, "Are you sure?  You thought it was a beer."  I guess wine people are not allowed to have any sense of humor.

So, asking me again after I told you that I don't have and can't get you something, doesn't make the wine magically appear.

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Monday, September 16, 2013

Pet Peeve #3



Pet Peeve #3
This is my space.  You have your space.  The close talker!

For some reason, only men do this to me.  They get in my personal space to ask a question.  I keep backing up and they keep coming forward into my space.  Seriously, you don't need to be that close to talk to anyone.  If I can see your pores, smell your breath or see your dandruff, you are too damn close so back the hell up!

Give me my space!

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Friday, September 13, 2013

Pet Peeve #2


Pet Peeve #2
If I say hi to you, don't ignore me or go straight to your question.

I try to be nice and greet everyone who comes into the Big Store.

"Hi."
"How are you?"
"How you doing today?"

These are standard greetings.

You should not just look at me and say "BEER."
You should not ignore me and keep going.
You should not just look at me and say "RUM."

When someone walks up to me and says "TEQUILA."  I usually respond with, AND how are you today?  If they don't answer, I keep repeating until they do.  Or if they respond with TEQUILA", I'll say "that's an odd way to feel."

Your correct response is , "I'm great, thank you.  Can you tell me where the tequila is? "

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Thursday, September 12, 2013

Pet Peeve #1



I have a lot of pet peeves at the Big Store.  Consider this your directory of what not to do or say to a retail store employee:

Pet Peeve #1
Your question is not MORE important than the customer I am talking to

I don't understand the average shopper today.  I understand people are impatient.  I understand that you may have somewhere else to go.  But, if I am talking shop and selling wine to another customer, you should not interrupt me to ask me where the bathroom is, where the vodka is, do I have an ATM, or even worse, a question that will take up a lot more time like, can you tell me about this wine.

I am of the mindset of, one customer at a time.  I will not stop helping another customer if you stare me down, follow me and my current customer around, shadow me, or even clear your throat.  Wait your turn or find another associate to help you.

I've been talking to a customer and another customer will walk right up and say "VODKA" while I'm in mid-sentence.  This will take me to Pet Peeve #2, but I usually put my hand up as a "you must wait until I'm done" sign and continue until I'm done with the person I was helping first.

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Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Resulin?

Like the Cantebury Tales story, people ask for all types of things.  Mostly, they have no idea what they're talking about.  My first week at the Big Store, a customer asked me for Resulin.  I know I'm new and everything, but I shopped at this store and I studied wine.  I never, ever heard of anything called Resulin.  It sound like a gasoline, toxic, cancerous substance.  After now, just looking it up, I have learned that Resulin is a diabetes drug.

Customer:  "Where is your Resulin?"

Me: "We don't carry anything called Resulin."

Customer: "Yes, you do.  I buy it all the time here.  You used to have a section up front."

Me: "Resulin?  Is that the winery name?"

Customer (now red in the face and actually spitting mad) "No, it's a grape.  You have lots of it.  Resulin!!  Where is it?  Forget it.  I'll find it myself."

Me: "Whatever."

Customer comes back: "It's right here."  And then points to my German section full of Riesling, pronounced REESLING.

Me: "Ohhhhh, Riesling!"

Customer is now more mad at me than ever for correcting him and won't talk to me anymore.  I guess this is my own personal Cantebury Tales story.

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Tuesday, September 10, 2013

The Big Store

For over four years now, I work at a large wine, liquor and beer discount store.  My stories will now detial what happens on a daily basis... the requests, the customers, the day-to-day.  I can't start this part of my life without the telling of the greatest story ever told to me.  In fact, it's not even my story, but one that has become famous in my circle of comrades.


An old colleague told me this story.  It's a story about a conversation he and a customer had at a previous job.  I hope I can only do this justice because it's more the waaaaay he tells it.  It's called Canterbury Tales.

Cantebury Tales

Customer:  "Hi, I'm looking for a wine called Cantebury Tales."

Colleague: "You must be looking for the library.  That's down the street."

Customer: "No, it's a wine called Cantebury Tales."

Colleague: "I'm pretty sure you're in the wrong store."

Customer: "No, it's a red wine called Cantebury Tales."

Colleague: "No such wine exists."

Customer: "It's a big, red wine from California."

Colleague: "Do you mean Cabernet Sauvignon?"

Customer: "Cabernet Sauvignon, Cantebury Tales, what's the difference?"

Colleague: "Oh, there is a big difference, sir."
(Wishing he could say "get the fuck out of my store!")

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Monday, September 9, 2013

The Resignation



 
I was finally fed up.  The pay, the drama, the mice, the 6-day work weeks once a month.  I took this job to get experience and with 2 years under my belt, the job I had wanted 2 years ago, was available again.  It was 2 minutes from my house in New Jersey and though it was only part-time, I knew the staff and loved the store.  When I saw the ad in the paper, I sent my resume over immediately and when the General Manager called, he said “what took you so long?”  I met with him, one owner, the Store Manager and a senior wine staff guy and after 2 days and 4 hours on interviewing, I got the job.  But, it wasn’t just any job.  They tailored the job just for me and my skills.  The part-time turned into full-time and besides selling wine, I would also help with marketing, PR, events and writing on our web site.  And, the best perk – one free trip to a wine destination each year.  The Store made promises to me of trips to Italy, but that was all a big, fat lie to get me on board.

When I got the new job, I told my best customer first.  I invited him and his wife to the Store for a great lunch with stellar wines.  It was the first time I had met him face to face and he was a really humble, genuine, down-to-earth guy who spent his money on three things: wine, dining and travel.  You’d never know this guy had the money he does. 

After lunch I said to him,”It’s been such an honor working with you and I can’t wait to continue working with you at the New Store.”  He did a double take.  I knew he was already a shopper there so I wasn’t stealing him or anything.  I told him, “I still want you to shop here though, because you can get wines here that you can’t get anywhere else.”  He said, “Like what?  Put a list together for me.”  So, I did and the next day and over $35,000 later I made a big sale.  Boss said, “no one remembers you for the first sale, only the last.”

By then I had a new boss who I hated.  I had no problems handing her my resignation letter with contempt, anger and the feeling of freedom.  Bitch #1 gave me my exit interview and I let everyone have it and finally aired all of my grievances.  By then, she had mellowed down to the point of being beaten down and actually sympathized with what I went through.  My exit interview consisted mostly of me shaking my head in disgust.  She left The Store eventually, too.

I remember the Boss’s reaction when I resigned.  He called the whole sales team in his little office to have me tell everyone why I was leaving and where I was going and what the new job entailed.  I glowed when I told them.  I was so happy to be leaving the Store and going to the new job.  It wasn’t what the Boss said.  It’s what he didn’t say.  The look on his face, the whole dramatic show he put on for everyone was enough.  He was making fun of me in his own way.  Even Bitch #5 said, “you know he was mocking you, right?”  I knew, but now it’s me mocking him.  I may not be a store owner, but at least I’m happy.

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Friday, September 6, 2013

The Buy-Out




It seemed to happen wherever I went.  Every company I worked for was bought out.  This was slightly different.  Celebrity Chef and his partner Celebrity Wine partner finally decided to sell.  Let me re-phrase.  Celebrity Wine partner HATED the Boss.  I mean hated with a capital H.  When he called on the phone, you could hear his seething.  When he came in, he was cordial to the staff, but you could hear his distaste for anyone who answered his questions. 

Celebrity Wine Partner would call up and BARK for the Boss.  If he wasn’t there he had a shit-fit.  If he was, we had better have the right everything.  One time Celebrity Partner came in to entertain some guests.  They spoke Italian so I could not relate, but what a son-of-a-bitch he was.  Angry a lot?  Yes, he was.  But, I could see how he was a shrewd businessman.  Then he lost a lot of weight, got a new prime time show and became even worse if that was even at all possible!!  On that show, he criticized a blind girl.  A blind girl!

For years, the owners fought.  Their history went like this:

Somewhere along the way, they started to loathe each other.  In the beginning it was all Boss saying that Celebrity Chef tantalized me with cuisine from our home country; cuisine I had not had in years.  Celebrity Chef cooked for the Boss to persuade him that the Store was all about his way of life.  In the end, Celebrity Chef won out, even though the recipes were not the same.  Boss was the main owner, and his Celebrity Partners were financial backers and lenders of their faces to promote The Store.

They launched The Store and someone along the way they lost their love for one another.  It became a matter of Boss wanted to buy Celebrity Partners out, but Celebrity partners wanted to buy Boss out.  Boss won in the end.  He surrounded himself with new partners who had backgrounds in the financial industry.  And when they came in, the Store was never the same.
The Store always had that local store feel, the feeling that a family ran it.  The new partners were all about money – making lots of money especially when they sunk some mad cash into the place.  They busted out the wall of the office so that the old conference room was now part of the office and Boss’ office was more accessible.  It was one big room and one extra office space with an actual door was made.  We now had central air, new, fresh, paint and some new equipment.  With change brings more change.  They hired a CFO.  CFO came in and brought everyone into the office one by one and said, you no longer have a salary and you work on commission.

WHAT??

That would have been swell, had they thrown me some real big fish who bought consistently all year round, but I had the shitty hit or miss customers.  From then on, my checks fluctuated so much I didn’t know whether or not I could afford to live each month.  This is when I had to start checking all of my event pay because sometimes, they would forget to pay me or short me.

Peter became a partner and eventually, they hired a new woman that the sales people reported to.  She was an idiot.  Around this time, Arnie had just disappeared.  We didn’t know if he left or was fired.  He just vanished.  Arnie had some of his own food businesses on the side, but to have your immediate supervisor just not be anymore with no mention of it, was strange. 

Eventually, I picked up some good new guys, the wine club, the wedding registry and I ran the shit out of those services.  I’m an organized, type-A freakazoid, and I ran them so smoothly and efficiently.

But, my efforts were not appreciated by Boss or CFO.  Boss reviewed my numbers and I never hit my goals since the numbers were pulled out of someone’s ass anyway.  Boss started to look at me with annoyance and he made constant threats to the group about people getting fired, whilst he looked at me when he said it.

CFO also changed our hours.  Instead of coming in at 10am, we were now to be in at 9am and staying late was mandatory.  Now, add on the Sommelier time and I might just have to sleep in the streets of the city since I’ll be living at work.

It was also during this time, that my colleague was sent down to be the man on the floor, and I was sent back upstairs to the horror show of the telemarketing format.

At least Boss could pay his bills now.  We used to get shut out by our vendors because Boss never had enough money to pay the bills.  More embarrassing was when they sent an invoice that warranted cash on delivery.  But now, he had his financial partners who knew jack shit about the wine business and the new pay scale was enough to make me find something else.

I’ll never forget the words of my first corporate boss.  “You have your home life and your work life.  When the line gets blurred, it’s time to move on.”  And move on is what I did.

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