The Smelly Guy

 

It's not just the customers I like seeing, but the employees have some fun reactions to them.  One day I was helping a customer and I smelled something really foul.  It smelled like someone shat himself in his pants, had not bathed in at least a week and definitely did not know what deodorant was.  When the stench hit me, I moved away...FAR away.  But, I knew this guy had to go through the registers to leave the store.

One poor cashier who had been with us for some time was the lucky one.  I know her and knew exactly what her reaction was going to be.  The smelly guy was with a family.  The family was checking out at the register and he was hanging back.  He looked like the grandpa of the family.  So while they were checking out their merchandise, she couldn't smell him... yet.

I moved over to another employee by the door and said "watch this."  As the family finished and the smelly guy approached her, I said, "wait for it..." And as he got right in front of her and started to walk past, I said, "NOW."

Her reaction was classic and on my command.  She whipped her head around to look at me and started to dry heave.

Then there was this face and the search for some air freshener to spray her area free of the filth.  

Happy Friday everyone!

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Ask the Beer Guy

Customer walks in and asks my ID checker at the door where the beer is.  He points and tells him it's at the end of the store.

Same customer sees me 4 aisles away and asks me the same question.  I do the same and point to where he should go.

Then it gets busy and I end up near the beer station.  The beer guy is pouring some beer into a container for a customer to take home fresh, draft beer.  The same customer sees me and before he asks the question I say, "Ask the Beer guy" and point at said guy.

Customer: "No, no, no.  Let me ask you.  Can..."

Me: "Ask the beer guy, sir.  I know wine."

Customer: "No, no, no.  Let me ask you.  Can I..."

Me: "Ask the beer guy, sir."  And point again.

Now, my beer guy is starting to lose it and crack up.  Clearly, this customer is a glutton for punishment.

Customer: "No, no, no.  Let me ask you.  Can I take one beer out of a 6-pack?"

I turn to the beer guy and say, "Beer guy, can you answer this gentleman's question?"

And, then I walk away.

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We Get All Types-Part 2

Customer wants to return a bottle of Tarima Monastrell because he said "My father couldn't get the cork out.  He said if it doesn't come out right, there is something wrong with it."

He takes the wine out of the bag.  I pull out my handy wine key (That's a corkscrew to all you non-wine industry folks) and proceed to open the wine, pull out the cork with absolutely no problem at all and say, "It's a plastic cork, sir.  What's the problem?"

He looked stunned and embarrassed.  He wouldn't take the bottle back.  It smelled perfectly beautiful.  What a waste.

Me: "You should probably pick your Dad up a better corkscrew.  These waiter's corkscrews are inexpensive and will last a lifetime."

I told him to get another one and would swap it out for him.  After he's done shopping, he indicates that he is ready and I notice that he doesn't have a bottle of Tarima to replace the one he brought in.

Me: "Are you not going to get another Tarima?"

Customer: "I thought you were going to get it."  

He huffs away and goes to get another.  Really?  I opened your bottle for you AND I have to go fetch you another one?  Must I do everything?  Maybe I should go to your house and drink the wine for you, too.

Wait, I might be on to something.....

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We Get All Types

A customer walked in and said he wanted to return some wine.  I asked him to step over to the counter to take a look at what he had.  He had one unopened magnum of Woodbridge Cabernet/Merlot and one opened bottle of the same with about 2 inches of wine in it.

Customer: "I'd like to return this.  It has sediment in it."

Me: "And?"

I thought there would be more to the story.  I thought wrong.

Customer: "It turned my tongue purple."

Customer sticks tongue out and points to said tongue.

Now, I'm thinking...gross.  You drank this last night and still didn't brush your teeth yet?  

Me: "And?"

Customer: "It has sediment in it.  I brought the bottle to show you the sediment."

Me: "Thank you.  I know what sediment looks like.  You should see the sediment in the 05 Rioja we just decanted.  Looked like a pile of sand."

I then proceed to tell him how natural sediment is and it won't harm him if he consumes it and to get himself a good strainer.  He is clearly not hearing me.

Customer: "It turned my tongue purple.  I brought the sediment to show you."

He is clearly out of his mind.  I told him that since he drank 90% of the opened bottle I could not refund that, but I would refund the unopened bottle.  He was amazed and shocked even that I would question the fact that this wine would have sediment.  

He told me that the wine had no clarity.  Yup, red wine has no clarity, sir.  That's why it's red.

Here is your money.  Have a nice day.  And, thanks for leaving me an opened bottle of wine that I now have to dump out and recycle.

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